They say that something's not really irresistible until it's officially against the rules. Maybe that's what happens in my case. Or maybe I'm bent on spiraling into self-destruction via a Top Model/Hostess cake coma? At any rate, at the ripe old age of 25 I realize I have acquired certain habits that are not up for negotiation. I like to think I'm open-minded and up for trying new things, but a girl has to know where to draw the line. So forget Lent and New Year's resolutions. Forget any magazines that contain the words "Health" or "Better" in the titles, except for collage-making purposes. Sorry, Women's Health. Adios, Prevention and Better Homes and Gardens. I'm doing just fine on my own, thanks.
So here goes, in no particular order:
1. I still like Coca Cola. This might actually be my number one. I could drink a Coke every day, and I will sacrifice my waistline and my dental health to keep consuming it. I don't know if the old myth is true about Coke, but I'm glad I wasn't around when the company reportedly included cocaine in the recipe. Not like I need to add fuel to the fire.
2. Watching Disney movies. Does Disney exposure give girls unrealistic expectations about love and values? Probably. Disney taught us that a woman has to be pretty and pliable to achieve true love. Pliable...like a Barbie with bendy arms and legs. Take a Barbie, and then give her a singing voice and a chipper attitude, and voila! The Disney princess. So she doesn't have any career ambitions or practical skills. She doesn't know a thing about current events. She doesn't really even have any brain waves. In the world of Disney, at least, she has an inherent value as a person. Er, princess. Doll...whatever. I don't care; I love the happy stories and sing-a-long tunes and beautiful ballgowns.
3. Junk food. At some point I just accepted that I was doing, and would continue to do, huge amounts of irreparable damage to my arteries, and then I penciled in "Junk food" near the top of my food pyramid and moved on. Even after Stacey's diabetic scare in the Babysitter's Club series as a kid, I knew that I would cut off my left foot before I gave up chocolate chip cookies and fried fish. Which may just happen if I keep it up. Long John Silver's can just owe me a prosthetic leg.
4. America's Next Top Model, Law and Order: SVU, Lifetime Original Movies, Tori and Dean, etc...Some reality shows, some classic dramas, I like to keep an open mind. Watching ANTM, I get the feeling that my life is not nearly as screwed up as I thought, yet I ignore the healthy impulse to change the channel and end up watching hour after hour. Oh no, she did not just imitate my signature pose! OMG did you see how much she ate today? Ignore her, she's a racist/snob/Southerner/third degree burn survivor who's always looking for a fight. It's glorious, even the blood-and-guts, scary, B-list cast scenarios of the Lifetime Original Movie. I can't get enough, and then finally something crosses the arbitrary line, and I change the channel in disgust, only to find myself wondering what happens next...Sure, I could be out rescuing abandoned puppies or writing the great American novel. But this is way more fun.
5. Comfortable, random clothes collected from years of thrift-store shopping. Some were great finds, and most of the rest are plain, broken in, outdated, you name it. So what if I eventually have to break down and buy a brand new shirt at retail price; 90% of the time, my random wardrobe is appropriate. Sure, it comprises many souvenir t-shirts from Laos and Florida bars and other places I've never seen, and several pairs of lounge pants with suspicious holes. There's something nice about slipping into something already broken-in and comfy, while imagining where it came from in the first place. Like Mom always said, just wash before you wear.
...To be continued...
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